Science walks into a bar…

Selected jokes from the net

The tachyon leaves. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here." A tachyon walks into a bar.

Heisenberg was an awful lover.
Whenever he had the right position he never had the right speed, and whenever he had the energy he never had the time.

Some Helium flows into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve nobles here." The Helium doesn't react.

A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here." The superconductor leaves without resistance.

An Hydrogen atom sits at the bar and cries. The bartender asks, "Hey pal, c'mon, what's the matter?" The atom says, "I lost my electron!" The bartender says, "Are you sure?" And the atom replies, "Yeah, I'm positive!"

A G, E flat and C note walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "We don't serve minors here!" So the E flat leaves.

The bar was walked into by a Passive Voice.

QA Engineer orders a beer. Walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a sfdeljknesv. Oｒԁèｒｓ å ｂëｅｒ. Orders a ເບຍ. Orders a'; DROP TABLE BEERS;

- Why have the programmer died in the shower?
- He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

NoSQL walks into a bar. Asks for a beer then sits on the floor. The bartender asks, "What are you doing?" NoSQL replies, "I don't use tables."

An engineer, a manager, and a programmer are riding in a car. They come to a hill and their brakes fail. After careening down the hill and finally coming to a stop they get out to decide what to do. The manager says “We need to have a meeting to form a committee to see what we should do next!” The engineer says, “Screw that! Give me a pocket knife and some duct tape and I’ll have us going in no time!” The programmer looks at them both and says, “Lets push it back to the top and see if it does it again.”

A programmer’s wife sends him to the grocery store with the instructions, “get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen.” He comes home with a dozen loaf of bread and tells her, “they had eggs.”

A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away.
The physicist does some basic ballistic calculations, assuming a vacuum, lifts his rifle to a specific angle, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards short.
The engineer adds a fudge factor for air resistance, lifts his rifle slightly higher, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards long.
The statistician yells "We got him!"